Friday, December 20, 2013

Signs Jesus is Coming Soon

And HOW Long Have the Religiously Afflicted Been Claiming This?


 Loads and loads of people over roughly the last couple of thousand years have tried to predict when the supposed second arrival of Jesus Christ will take place. Do you ever wonder what the Bible has to say about this? Let's check it out, shall we?

 Matthew 24:36, "But no one knows of that day and hour, not even the angels of heaven, but my Father only."
Sooo...when it comes to the above verse what I would like to know is how in the freaky-doo can GOD know when Jesus will return but Jesus Himself will NOT know. How does this work? Isn't Jesus supposed to be God? Wouldn't Jesus be all-knowing? If Jesus is all-knowing then...uhmmm...wouldn't He know the details of His scheduled return to planet earth? Some translations of this verse even say that the Son does not know. Lovely. Why not confuse the fuck out of your followers, right? Give 'em something juicy to argue over for centuries. Wonderful. Anyways, the point made here with this verse is that no one is supposed to know. Considering that...why the fuck believers continue to make predictions as to when Jesus will come back is curious. Even when people say, "We don't know when, but soon," that is STILL making a prediction. 


Matthew 23:34,"Most certainly I tell you, this generation will not pass away, until all these things are accomplished."

Here we have an apparent blunder by the Son of God Himself, and why more Christians don't pay closer attention is interesting. Those who DO pay attention have all sorts of ways to explain away this divine SNAFU, right? In verse 36 of this same chapter Jesus says only GOD knows when the return will be and that even the Son (that would be Jesus) does not know. Hummm. But...here in this verse Jesus clearly makes a prediction as to when the return will be. He says the present generation will not pass away until all of these things have happened. For many Christians, when this obvious Jesus-flub is pointed out they claim that Jesus was referring to the present generation of Man that fell from the Garden of Eden. Of course, ask them about any other generation of Man that fell from the Garden of Eden and they look at you like you are crazy. Seriously. Ask them. Why would the term "present generation" be used unless there is some kind of reference to a past and a future generation? That was explained to me as the past generation was Man before he fell and the future generation is the one that will live eternally with God in heaven. Thus, when Jesus referred to the present generation He really meant all of mankind that is fallen which then means Jesus could come back whenever He freaking wants to and still be correct. Clever. Well, looks like they got all of that horseshit covered.


Matthew 16:28, "Most certainly I tell you, there are some standing here who will in no way taste of death, until they see the Son of Man coming in his Kingdom."

Now here is yet another interesting verse, right? Jesus says that there were some there in His presence who would not die until they saw the Son of Man coming in His Kingdom. Sure. Jesus isn't back and all of those mofos who were standing around are all dead...LONG dead, right? This was explained to me a couple of ways one being that Jesus was referring to no taste of death since they lived eternally in the Holy Spirit or some crazy hodgepodge of religious dogma, and the other that Jesus was referring to His transformation and ascension into the big blue sky to be with Big Poppa. Whatever. What explanations have you heard?


Sooo...what about those people who wish to insist that Jesus said there would be signs of His return? Well, let's take a peek into the Bible for info on that as well, hummm? 

Mark 13:22, "For there will arise false christs and false prophets, and will show signs and wonders, that they may lead astray, if possible, even the chosen ones."

In the above verse people are warned about false messiahs and prophets makings signs that are not real signs, right? Sooo...all of these crazies who swear by whomever they swear that they have received or seen a real sign really should consider this, right? What is hilariously funny is each of these truly believe they are the one with the real signs while everyone else is false. Good stuff! By the way...if the chosen ones can be led astray how in the fuckey-doo are they the chosen ones?


Acts 2:19, "I will show wonders in the sky above, and signs on the earth beneath; blood, and fire, and billows of smoke."

In this verse is where the real lunatics of religion find their foothold to claim that just about any natural disaster is a freaking sign from God that Jesus is just around the corner. Sounds like God is trying to rip off on nature by counting on people not realizing it is nature they are viewing and not the fairy tale power of the Bible's God.


Luke 21:25, "There will be signs in the sun, moon, and stars; and on the earth anxiety of nations, in perplexity for the roaring of the sea and the waves; "

Oh, look. Here God is ripping nature off again when it comes to power and awe and things that appear to the unlearned to be miracles but are really normal. Oh, and the reference to the anxiety of nations is equally stupid, right? When hasn't there been some nation or nations on earth squabbling, hummm? There is always someone fighting someone else over something. Even if all of the nations of the earth decided to quit fighting you could probably accurately bet that the countries of the Middle East would opt to continue fighting. Sooo...this anxiety of the nations thing is retarded and absolutely no big revelation of any type.


Why do believers look for signs of anything anyways, hummm? If they are so protected by their God and so favored by Him and so blessed...what the fuck are they worried about? When Jesus gets here, He gets here, right? Why toil over it, why worry, why scare the shit out of yourselves wondering whether or not you are going to meet God's standard, hummm? If God is everywhere wouldn't everywhere and everything be a sign for believers? Go on that and be happy about it. If not, why try to make some kind of holy sign out of every damn thing that happens? That is so stupid. Besides, in Luke 11:29 didn't Jesus admonish those who sought signs, "When the multitudes were gathering together to him, he began to say, "This is an evil generation. It seeks after a sign. No sign will be given to it but the sign of Jonah, the prophet."

If you are a believer you shouldn't need any kind of sign because you already believe. With your whole heart at that. If you are a believer looking for or seeking or claiming to have discovered a sign or anything of the like you need to know you have a problem. There is something wrong with your faith from within you. You should not be seeking signs and trying to interpret crazy shit. Just do your divine duty and believe. You do not need to pop about on street corners and pubs and wherever claiming the signs of the times are here. Don't you understand that if people do not believe as you do they do not care, do not give a shit, do not believe in any second coming or first coming for that matter, and most certainly are not seeking signs? Sometimes non-believers might say, "Show me a sign," but that is just a way to try to break it to you demented people who believe this crapola that there are no signs, you have no signs, cannot make any signs, and should be holding signs reading "Disillusioned with Promises of Perfection."

Now, onto some videos.

 This is delicious fun! Sooo...this guy has a dream with Bill Nye the Science Guy, and has interpreted this dream to mean that Jesus' return is nigh? Wonderfully hilarious! What is the deal with filming this important message in your car, buddy?


 Dude, you people are idiots. Do you know of or have you ever heard of such things as minerals and gasses and natural phenomenon that can change the color of water to a reddish color? Why are you fucktards pretending that there are no explanations for this? You aren't scaring anyone but yourselves, you know this, right? A geo-scientist will know what is going on and sure as hell won't be scared...and the really great thing is you do not have to be such a person to know why the water is turning this color. By the way, it has nothing to do with Jesus or God.


 The sun and the moon do not act weird, you dumb twat. They cannot act or make decisions to do anything considered an act. The sun and the moon are part of the natural processes of this solar system, galaxy, and universe. Close your Bible and go get a milkshake.


 It is a goddamn sunset, you bastard. A SUNSET. Yes, is it beautiful, but this beauty should NEVER be distorted to be some kind of validation for your delusions and deficient faith.


 There have been soooo many people who for soooo long have said again and again that the signs of their times point to this Jesus fellow returning. This man's claims are nothing new at all. The disciples in the Bible thought the same damn thing. Hello.


 Haahah!! Here we have Santa Clause's younger brother making his own claims about Jesus' return while trying to sell a few DVDs at the same time.


 Dude, you totally fucked up your van. Did Jesus tell you to do that?


 Sooo...according to this video God wants to talk to you. Really? If God wants to chat with someone He can do it Himself and not through someone else. He is God and can do anything, right? So, this should not be a problem. If God wants to talk to people He can do it in person and NOT through someone.


 Natural...planet...processes. Got it?


 Yikes. So many Christians come across like they are the only ones in the universe who, if they believe in something fervently enough, whatever it is they believe in (no matter how fucking screwy) must be absolutely true.


 One day closer to being committed to an insane asylum...yay!!


 I guess this idiot has never heard of astronomy? Does he know what a star is? Does he know how light travels? Does he know why something in the sky would look like this? Does he bother to try to find out why before he jumps up and says it is a sign of Jesus coming back?


 You ding dongs say this with every single war. Even the people in the Bible said this in regards to the war that was occurring during their time in the New Testament. Get a new story, damn.


 This is a burning bush? WTF? You have never seen it happen before so it MUST be Jesus? Hah!!


 They're clouds, asshole. Clouds.


Holy shit. This man should go back to sleep because he looks so very, VERY tired I actually feel concerned for him. Geeze, buddy...please lay back down. And probably you should worry about this Jesus thing far less because I bet that isn't helping you sleep.


 Jesus wants you to be ready with oil? Say...is He a member of O.P.E.C. or anything like that?


 If God kept His promises Israel would not be in the pickles it is in, and neither  would they be in such a teeny little country, you know?


 Ahhh...signs that the delusions are far-reaching. Isn't that great?


Sooo...if people are believing in Jesus just so they will not be left behind...that is NOT believing for the sake of faith, is it?


Time is short? You do realize this has been said here and there for the last, oh, almost two thousand years? Whose time are you going by, whose watch? It doesn't matter whether or not you think time is short, honey. All that matters is that there is truth and plenty of it. And guess what? Your fairy tale ramblings of a divine zombie peeking around the corner just ready to spring on man is a crock of shit. Sorry to break it to you, but the truth does not consist of crocks of shit, nor has it ever.

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