Lines of Distinction and Lines of Separation

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Lines of Distinction and Lines of Separation

By: God the Inductive

When you think of the terms 'distinction' and 'separation' do you consider them the same, or each their own definition? Humans spend much of their time drawing lines in the proverbial and literal sands of their daily existence, believing that lines of distinction and lines of separation are the same. This is not so.

Lines of distinction are natural, occurring wherever they may, paying no mind whatsoever to the desires of any being...intelligent or otherwise.

Lines of separation are unnatural, occurring wherever an intelligent mind chooses to place them, whether or not the actual choice or action of placing such is a good or bad idea. Consider that when I use the term 'intelligent' I mean that a being is aware of the action of creating the line of separation; a conscious being...human or some other higher intelligence.

Lines of distinction are not prejudiced.

Lines of separation are entirely prejudiced.

Sometimes humans have an errant tendency to mix the definitions of these two terms, and should be ashamed at the crap situations they have created by doing so. It is very important for humans to understand what they have done to themselves by confusing the definitions of separation and distinction. Humans have torn themselves to pieces (sometimes literally) by fudging these two terms. 

Lines of separation are terrible and largely destructive. What religion a person is a part of (or even if someone even believes in religion at all) is a big one. Some would deny this and say it is a distinction in spiritual salvation. This is a lie. How much money a person has is another line of separation. How about where a person is from, what they dress like, how much property they own, what their social status is, what their political affiliation is, what their sexual preference is, what their credit score is, what their military rank is, or what kind of job they have? These are all lines of separation because they are all divisive on some level.

Lines of distinction are not divisive because by nature they do not divide. Lines of distinction stand-out, enhance characteristics, and contribute to the individuality of someone or something or a group of the same. Courage,compassion, trustworthiness, endurance, fortitude, and diligence (as well as their opposites) are all lines of distinction.

Look at what you are doing in your life, how you treat yourself and others, and how you perceive places and circumstances. Are you confusing lines of separation and lines of distinction? Maybe you are. Maybe you are not. Maybe you are not sure. 

Just remember this:

The lines on a zebra are lines of distinction.

The lines of people in death camps, in unemployment lines, in prisons, in bread lines, in religious squabbles, and in political camps are great examples of lines of separation...because man has put them there with prejudice and the express intent to divide.

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The Twenty-First Book of The Tenement Gospel (the REAL Holy Bible New Testament)

 The Tenement Gospel

 (the REAL version of the original translation of the Holy Bible New Testament)

The Book of I Pete
(the twenty-first book of The Tenement Gospel)

Chapter 1

    1 Yo, dog! I be Pete, a studier an’ teacher of the Tenement Gospel, and I be here talkin’ about and layin’ some groundwork of the Tenement Gospel.
    2 Now let there be many a blessin’ on the vastness of God and truth, and all understandin’ to be searchin’ salvations.
    3 For it be through the Tenement Gospel that we be learnin’ that we all be livin’ eternally, each life we be livin’ drawin’ us closer and deeper into the joy of the Tenement Gospel and the love it be teachin’ us is all around us and in us.
    4 And once you be opening’ your heart and mind and inheritin’ the truth of all that is God there ain’t no goin’ back.
    5 Be rememberin’ the real truth of God and all that be makin’ up God, but don’t be holdin’ such truth only to yourselfs, but be showin’ it to everyone for we all be in salvations anyways.
    6 And though the trial that be caused by those wallowin’ in the Gospel of Disaster can be some fucked-up shit at times, don’t let this be makin’ you have a sorrowful heart.
    7 For those muthas of the Gospel of Disaster don’t be realizing’ that faith don’t be needed to be proven any more than a person be needin’ to be provin’ that they be breathin’ air.
    8 The muthas who be behavin’ like this cain’t see the love and the joy that be natural within’ theyselfs. Because of this they don’t be understandin’ that they be puttin’ theyselfs into voluntary spiritual exile.
    9 It be by the twisted, obtusely critical virtues of the Gospel of Disaster that some brothas be findin’ answers to they questions of God unanswered an’ criticized.
    10 When you be considerin’ the gifts of salvations ya’ll just better be keeping’ in mind that there are prophets who be yakin’ that salvation only be for set groups of muthas and brothas.
    11 They will be crazily adamant that if you be worshippin’ with them, well then that be makin’ you able to get yourselfs some salvation.
    12 But these same mutha fuckas be tryin’ to keep salvation away from brothas who don’t follow a fellowship of their likin’, who don’t be yakin’ the Gospel of Disaster, and even those who don’t be worshippin’ God in the first place.
    13 But the best thing ya’ll can be doin’ is to open the hope that be in your heart with the Tenement Gospel.
    14 As people who be havin’ workin’ brains ya’ll don’t be dragged down by the lunacy of the Gospel of Disaster.
    15 But ya’ll be livin’ accordin’ to the endless truths an’ endless love that naturally be in you and of you and for you.
    16 And this be the truth, foh-shizzle, that you be holy, my brotha. Just like I be holy. We all be holy, my brotha, because God be in all of us and God be bein’ the ultimate holy, ‘aight?
    17 And no matter where you be goin’ or what you be doin’ ya’ll best be rememberin’ that you never be travelin’ alone.
    18 For if you be rememberin’ that God be in you then you shall never be travelin’ in fear, and you shall never be workin’ alone, an’ if you be havin’ any sorrow it shall be turned into joy, for the love that be God be in you and for you and of you.
    19 Ya’ll need to be knowin’ that by openin’ your heart and your mind that you be redeemed by the love of God that be in you.
    20 And youz should never be forgettin’ that ya’lls cain’t be redeemed by any one faith, or any one interpretation of God, or by insidious words of the Gospel of Disaster.
    21 And no matter how much those who be preachin’ the Gospel of Disaster may be claimin’ they don’t be knowin’ the foundations of this world, and they sure as fuck don’t be knowin’ what be happnin’ in the future,
    22 What I can be telling’ ya’lls is the future sho’ ain’t gonna be some big-assed, fangdangled judgment where God be throwin’ masses of people into a lake that be made up of fire all ‘cause they don’t be believin’ in the Gospel of Disaster.
    23 The Gospel of Disaster be sayin’ that it be incorruptible, but this ain’t the case, homey, ‘cause this terrible gospel be used by all kinds of people to separate, divide, and destroy.
    24 And for those that be preachin’ the Gospel of Disaster, well homey, they ass be grass ‘cause they ain’t ever goin’ be seein’ the glory of everthin’ around them ‘cause they asses of grass be withered an’ shit.
    25 But, in the end it really don’t be matterin’ what the hell ding-dongs who be preachin’ the Gospel of Disaster have to say about anythin’, ‘cause the words of God and all this is God be goin’ on forever, ‘aight?

Chapter 2

    1 Now ya’ll who be bitchin’ and moanin’ about the different faiths in God that people be havin’ need to be droppin’ that shit. The religious card is well beyond overplayed, ya’ll. I grow weary of hearin’ dat shit.
    2 Ya’ll be bickerin’ about how to be believin’ in God like you was a couple of friggin’ babies arguin’ over a bottle of milk.
    3 Part of the problem be that some of ya’ll crazy muthas out there be gettin’ to love the taste of God in the grips of religious superiority.
    4 You say you be havin’ a livin’ stone and be God’s chosen an’ held high in his honor.
    5 But ya’ll don’t be seein’ that you be the ones who be like stones, stones in ya’lls heads. Ya’ll be regularly behavin’ like youz be dumber than a box of rocks.
    6 What be makin’ things worse be the fact that when a whole bunch of ya’ll rock heads be gettin’ together you be thinkin’ you be buildin’ spiritual houses, churches, priesthood, an’ religious sacrifices that be pleasin’ to God.
    7 But you stupid muthas don’t be seein’ that God don’t be wantin’ any of these damn things.
    8 And those people who be wise be understandin’ that if a stone be a stumblin’ block to the builders, then the builders be throwin’ out the offendin’ stones.
    9 There be those muthas of the Gospel of Disaster who be sayin’ they be a chosen race, royal priests designated by God, a people in possession of a holy nation that be possessin’ the only light in a universe of darkness.
    10 Well, I be telling’ you what. These muthas be soundin’ exactly like the friggin’ Nazis and they dumb ass spin on God makin’ them a master race, an’ shit.
    11 Now I be beggin’ everybody, ‘aight, that ya’ll stop youz stupid fightin’ over whose version of God an’ religion be the right one.
    12 If ya’ll could get to the point of stoppin’ youz stupid fightin’ over God ya’ll would be havin’ a most excellent manner of life.
    13 But ya’ll be speakin’ against each other, callin’ each others’ worshippin’ practices evil an’ crappin’ on each others’ good works, sayin’ God won’t be givin’ no damn care about them in his day of visitation.
    14 But I say all you muthas be on crack, you dig? ‘Cause God don’t need to be doin’ no visitin’ of a place where he already be, am I catchin’ you on the five-by, homey?
    15 And ya’ll need to be workin’ harder at doin’ more good works and improvin’ your societies and gub’ments, for to be improvin’ yo self and all the things that be around you, well homey, then you be doin’ the will of God.
    16 Ya’ll don’t be understandin’ that youz don’t need to be makin’ all ya’lls self prisoners and slaves of ya’lls faith. There ain’t no truth in that shit, neither be there any love or peace or hope in it.
    17 Ya’ll need to be honorin’ each other and also honorin’ the different beliefs ya’ll be havin’. Ya’ll need to be showin’ each other love an’ respect.
    18 Ya’ll don’t be needin’ to be treatin’ each other shabbily just ‘cause you not be likin’ different truths and interpretations of God. Stop treatin’ each other badly just ‘cause you be fearin’ different interpretations of reality.
    19 An’ if you be workin’ for someone who be treatin’ you bad an’ shit, or they be askin’ you to be doin’ shit that you know be wrong, then don’t be subjectin’ youzselfs to dat shit. Don’t be standin’ for dat crapola.
    20 For part of what grace be is the courage to be standin’ up for what be right even if you be scared of what some psycho muthas out there in the world might be doin’ when you be telling’ them to take they job and shove it.
    21 And ya’ll be rememberin’ that youz don’t need to be puttin’ youzselfs in positions where you be sufferin’ for one reason or ‘nother.
    22 An’ it don’t be matterin’ what the fuck the hobos of the Gospel of Disaster be sayin’ when they say dat sufferin’ be good an’ be buildin’ endurance to find God and the grace of God,
    23 ‘Cause talk like this don’t be makin’ no sense no how, you dig?
    24 An’ a gospel that be teachin’ sufferin’ as part of they core dogma be havin’ some serious problems anyway. I still don’t be understandin’ why people be believing’ in crazy shit like dat.
    25 Now some folk be sayin’ that just ‘cause Jesus be sufferin’ when he be here that people should also be sufferin’ when they here, but that crazy gumbo don’t be makin’ the proper connections now, do it?
    26 That shit make just about as much sense as cookin’ the microwave in the burrito instead of the other way around, ‘aight? The only reason Jesus be sufferin’ when he be here was because people around him be doin’ it to him.
    27 Ya’ll seriously think that Jesus wanted that shit to happin’ to him, or that God made Jesus be goin’ through all dat on purpose? And these muthas be sayin’ they God be a lovin’ God,
    28 Shee-it! He be soundin’ like one of those fuckas who fall in the category of, With friends like these, who be needin’ enemies?
    29 All those who be following’ the Gospel of Disaster be like sheep bein’ led astray.

For the full version of The Tenement Gospel: https://sites.google.com/site/esterlighthorse/

The Sixteenth Book of The Tenement Gospel (the REAL Holy Bible)

The Tenement Gospel

 (the REAL version of the original translation of the Holy Bible)

The Book of II Tim-Tim
(the sixteenth book of The Tenement Gospel)

Chapter 1

    1 Yo, this be another letter to ya’ll who be thinkin’ that ya’ll way of worship be the only way to worship all that be God in this great, grand, and glorious universe.
    2 Hell, I be knowin’ little, teeny children who be lisnin’ and be behavin’ better than ya’ll be lisnin’ an’ behavin’. Shee-it.
    3 I be tellin’ ya’ll what, I be thankin’ God everyday an’ every night that I ain’t be caught up in the twisted hierarchy of religion an’ shit like ya’ll be.
    4 An’ believe me, havin’ to be repeatin’ myself yet again to ya’ll be bringin’ tears to my eyes, ‘cause it sho’ do be makin’ me crazy to be repeatin’ myself when they ain’t no need to be doin’ so if ya’ll asses only be lisnin’ in the first place. Shee-it.
    5 Now I be wantin’ to lay my hands on the muthas who be fannin’ the flames of religious differences, layin’ my hands on they throats an’ squeezin’ until they be shuttin’ the fuck up with they crazy talk of they God bein’ better than somebody else’s. Shee-it.
    6 For God don’t be wantin’ ya’ll to be havin’ spirits of cowards that be pickin’ on people who be believin’ different than you,
    7 ‘Cause bein’ like that ain’t no different than bein’ like the assholes who be actin’ like fools ‘cause they ain’t be sober with alterin’ chemicals and alcoholic drinks coursin’ through they brains.
    8 Ya’ll be gettin’ this shit straight, ‘aight? Ya’ll don’t be needin’ to be ashamed of varyin’ faiths in God and everythin’ that be God, you dig? ‘Cause when you be feelin’ shame for these things ya’ll be sufferin’ evils ya’ll don’t need to be sufferin’.
    9 ‘Cause each callin’ of faith in each person be a holy call for there be many, many faiths that be makin’ up all that God be, you dig?
    10 Once you be allowin’ the truth that all faiths and all paths lead to God to be manifestin’ in ya’lls hearts all ya’ll will be findin’ that all stuntin’ and stoppin’ forms of death be nullified in what be incorruptible light of truth in love and love in truth.
    11 An’ it be for this that I be a petitioner of ya’lls ears, a herald of what the truth of truths be, an’ currently a teacher to a buncha’ students who apparently don’t be wantin’ to be lisnin’ to they teacher, goddamnnit.
    12 An’ here I be sufferin’ ‘cause I be findin’ that I be repeatedly required to be draggin’ my ass all the way out to where ya’ll be in the friggin’ boondocks of the boondocks…all to be remindin’ yo’ asses to calm the hell down. Shee-it.
    13 It be comin’ to my attentions that ya’ll be sayin’ that words that be in healthy patterns be done so in faith an’ love,
    14 But I be tellin’ ya’ll that be a load of shit, ‘cause healthy words put into pretty little patterns be meanin’ dick when the patterns of ya’lls faith don’t be healthy. Shee-it.
    15 An’ cause you ain’t be guardin’ the good deposits of what be consistin’ of faith and love that all that be makin’ up God be puttin’ in ya’lls hearts,
    16 Ya’lls religious ego be writin’ alls kinds of crazy ass checks ya’lls Gospel of Disaster cain’t be cashin’ no way an’ no how.


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The Fifth Book of The Tenement Gospel (the REAL Holy Bible)

The Tenement Gospel

(the REAL version of the original translation of the Holy Bible)

 

The Book of Acting Postal
(the fifth book of The Tenement Gospel)

Chapter 1

    1 Now the first four books of these scriptures were accounts of the life of Jesus before his general disappearance from mainstream society.
    2 This book marks the beginning of the scriptural accounts of the times after Jesus’ disappearance, which actually some choose to label as by his own decision and not by that of mere mortal men.
    3 It has been duly noted that the disciples also disappeared with Jesus, and while this was the case not very many people at the time knew of this, save for the few Information Nazis that always seem to be everywhere on the planet no matter where in time one may be.
    4 So, it became very apparent to the Information Nazis that the things that Jesus taught were actually catching on with the people of the many regions. A few of them got together and discussed how they might capitalize on the situation.
    5 They decided that since Jesus and all of the disciples were gone that they would press the story that they themselves were the disciples left on earth after Jesus had been crucified for the cause of those things he preached.
    6 Of course, the Information Nazis realized that they could not preach the messages that the real Jesus taught. If they did their plan of gaining control over the minds of men would never in a million years work,
    7 For the true message the true Jesus taught was one of choice and truth and not one of forceful fear and lies. It was from this most dark and evil philosophy of the Information Nazis that the Gospel of Disaster was birthed by purposely twisting the teachings of the Tenement Gospel.
    8 So, the Information Nazis chose those men from among their own number who most closely resembled the disciples of Jesus, and then set about devising a story they would break to the public.
    9 What they finally decided to tell people was that after Jesus had been crucified he appeared to all the disciples in a billboard along a major interstate and told them to go out and spread the Gospel of Disaster and baptize people, and,
    10 That if people were going to refuse the tantamount truth of the Gospel of Disaster they were to be burned by words, burned by having gi-normous fire pit burnings of their unacceptable holy books, burned by shunning them in society, or if at all possible burned by actual fire.
    11 The reasoning for the aggressiveness of these instructions was that if Juan the Baptist managed to spiritually douse people in water, then by rule the Information Nazis should be able to do so with an element even more powerful in their thinking: fire.
    12 The new and improved faux disciples then preached that Jesus had instructed them to bring back the one, true religion and restore the real truth to the new and improved version of the kingdom of God.
    13 If people did not believe what they were being told and by chance were to ask who gave the disciples their information and under what authority, such people were to be told to shut the fuck up,
    14 That theirs was not to know who gave what authority to whom, nor which seasons belonged to what time of year, nor which time of year belonged to what seasons, nor if there would ever be another NFL season which God had placed in the Commissioner’s own authority,
    15 For those who fervently believed what the disciples of Jesus were telling them to believe would receive power and knowledge beyond their wildest dreams and would be saved from a great calamity that for some reason or other Jesus did not save them from the first time he came around to earth.
    16 The faux disciples also told people that they saw Jesus appear in a UFO one night as they were gathered around a campfire, listening to stories being told by the Grand Imperial Dragon while patiently waiting for the burning of a massive cross.
    17 It was supposedly at that time that Jesus told the disciples that sooner or later he would return to earth in another UFO, maybe even one trailing in the tail of a comet passing near earth’s orbit.
    18 Then Jesus told the disciples that he would impart onto their bodies a special mark that only they and other true believers would receive, a mark that could only be seen by Jesus once everyone was judged and sent to either heaven or hell.
    19 Jesus would see this special mark and know that that person was a shoe-in for heaven and real estate right next to Jesus’ own heavenly mansion.

Chapter 2

    1 Then the faux disciples invented a new holiday called Penny Costs, where all true believers in Jesus and the Gospel of Disaster would show their faith and give all of the money in their bank accounts as well as twenty percent over the full amount of their credit card limits.
    2 This, of course, would be in addition to the normal eighty-five percent tithing costs required on a monthly basis. If people could do this then they were certified as real, true believers and given permission to berate and stick out their tongues to false believers.
    3 And in the middle of the first celebration of the new holiday there was a great shaking of the earth and all the people cried out in great fear. The resulting radiation leakage from several near-by damaged power plants caused the heads of the disciples to glow as if they had tongues of fire upon them.
    4 And the people asked the disciples what this meant and the disciples said, Verily we say unto you that the glow-y head thing means that the disciples of Jesus and those who preach the Gospel of Disaster are always right,
    5 And if at any time anyone does not understand the words of Jesus that are being taught to them, this is because their ears are hearing Jesus’ message in the divine language of Tongues which only their spirits can properly translate, or only the qualified believer-scholar of the Gospel of Disaster can translate.
    6 And the people were amazed for it seemed to be absolute that the disciples of Jesus were extremely powerful and blessed and even endorsed by God himself. And the people knew that it wasn’t just the wine talking.
    7 This became even more evident as the disciple Peter stood and said to the people, Of course it isn’t the wine, for this is only our third keg! This has all been spoken by some prophet of old called Joazahebaziah who said,
    8 And I promise you this that in the days right after Jesus has ascended unto heaven and just prior to the last days of all men on the earth, that God shall choose special men on whom he shall pour all of his divinity and spiritual truths and knowledge,
    9 And these men shall be the disciples of Jesus and shall be vested with the task of imparting the one and only spiritual scriptures and truth upon the lot of humanity. It is therefore in the best interests of all to obey every word they say.
    10 And those special men and women who obey what the disciples of Jesus say shall be granted full access to heaven, full escape from the tortures of the last times of the end days,
    11 And they shall be granted the rights to divine prophecy and spiritual vision and televangelist dreams, and they shall have the right to make slaves out of all of those who would believe other than what the Gospel of Disaster preaches.
    12 It shall be that whenever the skies show great wonders of bright lights and streaks of falling stars, and whenever the earth shall cry out and split and spew forth smoke and fire and poisonous vapors,
    13 Whenever the light of the sun is darkened and the color of the moon is turned into blood so shall all men know, whether or not they want to, that what the disciples preach is pure truth and the only truth,
    14 And so shall all of these same things mean that the time of Jesus coming back is right around the corner, so ya’ll better look busy. Remember that it shall be that whoever shall believe in only whatever the Gospel of Disaster preaches shall be saved.
    15 The disciples preached on, saying, Everyone, hear our words! For Jesus gave us the power of God that he possessed. And Jesus demonstrated that he was the one with the real truth and the only access to the truth and what is considered the truth.
    16 Because of his knowledge and understanding of the truth Jesus was put to death by the establishment of those who would wantonly and willfully abandon the truth and the honor of what people should really be believing in.
    17 Jesus was nailed to a cross and killed by those who would have you believe that there is more than one truth and one way and more than one path that leads to God. But in the end the joke was on those who murdered Jesus,
    18 For those who nailed him to the cross could not hold Jesus to death! And he came back from the dead just like that guy Michael in those stab ‘em movies of the seventies and eighties.
    19 And there shall be a day when Jesus will come back to earth in person and decimate everything and everyone who does not believe in his brand of faith, but until then he will just wage war on everyone he does not like.
    20 Blessings shall be heaped upon those who fight all those in opposition to the Gospel of Disaster and they shall be called warriors of God! And these warriors shall lead by fear and by threatening eternal damnation in the lent filled pockets of hell.
    21 All true believers of the Gospel of Disaster should know that there will be those who will do everything within their power to twist the words and the teachings of Jesus into something evil and horrible.
    22 They will paint the teachings of Jesus to mean something pretty and free and meant to sculpt the minds of men into something agreeable and tolerable of all truths.     23 They will try to tell all men that people are meant to roam free in their thoughts and meant to live in peace and harmony while all doing and believing their own thing.
    24 They will try to sell people on the idea that all men can be prophets of God if they opened their minds and hearts to everything around them.
    25 They will try to seed the idea that the throne of God is the love that moves the universe and everything in it.
    26 They will try to convince all those who would hear that there is no hell save for that which men create for themselves, and they will try to say that there are no end times save for those delineated by the wickedness of the actions of men.
    27 They will try to convince all of humanity to abandon the consequences of the real fears of the Gospel of Disaster, and they will try to say that it is that very fear that makes the Gospel of Disaster just that: a disaster.
    28 And Peter ended his alcohol induced rant by saying, So be true to the real message of the crucified Jesus and the Gospel of Disaster! Be exalted by the steadfast stubbornness of the solitary truth you carry,
    29 Earn your place at the right hand of God in the area of his heavenly throne! Do not forget the promise of God as so spoken through Jesus by the prediction of the prophets from hundreds of years ago that stated,
    30 It is promised to the followers and the preachers of the Gospel of Disaster that no matter how the rest of society responds to their nonsensical ravings, the kingdom of God and of the heavens shall be theirs, because they are always right.

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The Second Book of The Tenement Gospel (the REAL Holy Bible translation)

The Tenement Gospel 

(the REAL version of the original translation of the Holy Bible New Testament)

The Book of Mac Daddy 

(the book following M'tew)

Chapter 1

    1 This is the story of the Tenement Gospel according to Jesus Christ. You can read along in your book. You will know it is time to turn the page when you hear a monstrous clapping sound and are struck by lightning.
    2 Now, if this particular story were a musical score each character would be represented by a particular instrument: Jesus by the lazy bumble bee hum of a kazoo, Pete by the twing-twang of a Kentucky banjo, Juan by the explosive echo of a fart,
    3 Jaime by the vibrato of a belch, Mac Daddy by the steel drums, Judes by the metal triangle, Koresh by the skin flute, Mufasa by the coach’s whistle, Carlos by the corn cob piccolo, M’Tew by the pots and pans cymbals,
    4 Lou by the hollow sound of an empty moonshine jug, J-Dog by the ding-dong of a doorbell, and Webster by nails on a chalkboard.
    5 Luckily, this is not that kind of story so we won’t be subjected to what would in all likeliness be an incredibly horrific sound.
    6 So, a mega long time ago this shittingly fragrant guy named Juan the Baptist who was a moon-shiner by trade, was charged with preparing his city for when Jesus would be dropping by. This plan did not work out well as Juan became slobbering drunk at a wedding feast, decided to go for a walk, and became lost in the desert.
    7 For three days Juan’s friends and family looked for him and eventually found him meandering around the wilderness, crying out, What the hell did I do with my goddamn compass?
    8 When Juan came back to the city he began to preach the Tenement Gospel to anyone who would hear, which actually turned out to be about three people.
    9 And Juan was clothed in the garb of the homeless, his socks and underwear more than capable of standing up and jumping hurtles all on their own.
    10 Juan preached, If there is any man who smells stronger than me let him speak now or forever hold his nose. I baptize you with the water I should be using to wash my filthy body, but he shall baptize you with Starbucks.
    11 And wouldn’t you know it, but Jesus came to Juan and brought him a venti chai tea latte, extra hot, no water, and six pumps of chai all made with whole milk.
    12 So, Juan baptized Jesus and in the process Jesus grabbed Juan by the lapels and dragged him down into the water with him.
    13 As soon as they came up out of the water the air was cleared as the force field of dirt covering Juan fell down around him. And some disembodied voice from the sky said to Jesus,
    14 Thank you for doing that, Jesus. I am well pleased as this mutha was getting pretty damn stinky.
    15 And Jesus asked, What did I win? And God said,
    16 You have just won a beautiful vacation in a desert in the middle of nowhere for forty days and forty nights during which Satan will ask you a whole bunch of trick questions.
    17 And Jesus said, Can’t I just take the cash value of the trip?
    18 But before Jesus had even finished his question God had already zapped him through a wormhole to the desert.
    19 After eating a large amount of peyote that he thought was simply shrooms Jesus was quite sure that the wild animals and the angels were talking to him and giving him advice on his financial portfolio. Satan completely forgot about the appointment and never showed up.
    20 During the time Jesus was trippin’ in the desert Juan the Baptist had been arrested for disturbing the peace and reckless endangerment for operating a chariot while under the influence of religion.
    21 When Jesus finally made it back to the city he began to preach and teach the Tenement Gospel to all the people, saying,
    22 Times up! Pencils down! The kingdom of God does not and cannot draw near because it is already here. Open your eyes and your hearts and live in the abundance you were intended to live in.
    23 Then Jesus went past the public pier at the Sea of Galilee and spotted Pete and Juan doing trash pick-up with a couple of Sheriffs watching.
    24 And Jesus said to them, Quick! The sheriffs are not watching! Come with me if you want to live.
    25 And Pete and Juan did as Jesus had instructed them, paying no mind to the fact that their sentence of community service just turned into an extended jail term.
    26 Walking along with Jesus they came upon Jaime and Mac Daddy trying to steal the shiny, low-rider rims from a horse cart.
    27 And Jesus said to them, Quick! Your neighbor just called the cops! Come with me if you want to stay out of jail.
    28 Sticking to this particular plan of action Jesus picked twelve men for his motorcycle club, and when he was finished suckering people into following him he walked into the temple meaning to pick a fight with the scribes and Pharisees.
    29 Immediately upon entering the temple a man who was a Pharisee whom Jesus had earlier beaten for looking at him wrong cried out in terror, saying,
    30 What’d I do? What’d I do? And Jesus said,
    31 You know what you did, you prick. Now shut the hell up! The big people are talking. And the scribes and Pharisees were very angry with Jesus for they were not in the least bit familiar with people treating them in such a manner. It was always vice versa.
    32 And Jesus preached the Tenement Gospel in the temple, but the scribes and Pharisees did not stop him for they were afraid of him since he showed no fear in their presence.
    33 After Jesus had left that place he walked to another city and preached to them and gave them free healthcare and satellite television.
    34 Then in the projects of Capernaum a man approached Jesus and said, Lord, I am addicted to crack. Please heal me!
    35 As you wish, said Jesus as he hit the man exceedingly hard in the face. The man fell to the ground in pain and asked Jesus why he had done that. And Jesus said,
    36 You asked for help, so I helped you by knocking some sense into you.
    37 And the man’s face lit with joy for he did feel smarter.
    38 And the healed crack addict traveled far and wide, telling everyone of his miracle healing while buying small baggies of crystal meth to smoke.

For the rest of The Tenement Gospel: https://sites.google.com/site/esterlighthorse/