God Speaks Through Me VI: Daily News Blog

These are the words of the divine as so related to me by the many personalities of God.

Seriously?

By: Christ Jesus the Fear Monger

Unlike some of my divine brethren, I happen to believe wholeheartedly that the End Times are indeed here for all of humanity to suffer through. The signs of such are literally everywhere, but because divine beings such as God the Purposeful Misinterpret-er, Lucifer, Satan, God the Dimwitted, and others, the vast majority of mortal beings of the planet earth cannot see that not only have they permanently lost their paddles, but their little canoe has completely and totally dumped them straight into the poo-poo creek.

Since humankind detests listening to those within their own ranks who were chosen by God Almighty to take the truth to the masses, I will reiterate all of these truths and give actual biblical prophecy to prove everything I say. There will then be absolutely zero excuses for non-believing people to cling to when Jesus rides his pony back into the picture and everyone has to pay for all the crap they have done in their lives.

Luke 21:36 says, "Watch ye therefore, and pray always, that ye may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of Man." I can guarantee you right here and now that this verse can be directly translated to say, "You were given fair warning. Believe this way or die." God has always provided man with a chance to escape his wrath, and it is entirely up to man to properly translate these promises of God. At no point does man have the right or rhyme or reason to blame his shortcomings on God. God is perfect and also created man perfect. However, man is the one who fuc*ed that perfection up for himself, not God. Deal with it.

Matthew 24:21 says, "For then shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be." Right now there are major tribulations going on around the world. Never before in history has there been so much war and devastation in comparison to what man is now experiencing. War in the Middle East is rampant, the continent of Africa is home to many countries and governments that regularly fold in on themselves, Mexico can't seem to get its crap together long enough to form any semblance of government stability, Pakistan is just waiting to satiate its trigger-happy mentality and drop a bomb on a neighboring country, and a whole host of other problems abound.

Matthew 24:5 says, "For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many." As you know there certainly is no shortage of people claiming to be messengers of God. If you doubt this look it up on the Internet. You will find a b-zillion preachers and televangelists loudly declaring that Jesus is just around the corner. And after they claim this they turn around and ask for financial offerings...all in the name of Christ. Some of the individuals who come to mind when I read this verse are Jim Jones, David Koresh, Benny Hinn, Pat Robertson, Charles Manson, and the evil monk Rasputin.

Matthew 24:6 says, "And ye shall hear of wars and rumors of wars: see that ye not be troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet." This verse is very self explanatory, and if you have doubt as to its truth then I suggest you turn on the news and see just how many wars are going on right now: War in Lybia, Iran, Iraq, Syria, and Afghanistan are only a few places where war is rumored or is already taking place.

Matthew 24:7 says, "And nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences and earthquakes in divers places." Here is another obvious prophecy that is currently being fulfilled. Have you taken a good look at Africa and how many millions upon millions of people are not only fighting each other, but who are dying of starvation? There are more people in the current world that are dying from lack of food than there ever was in all of history. And there are mega quakes happening all over the planet, killing thousands upon thousands of people, and in every part of the world.

Timothy II 3:1-7 says, "This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the TRUTH." Never before in history has mankind been more in love with itself than it currently is. This includes all of the gay and lesbian rights politics that is going on and getting worse and worse. God sees this and is not going to hesitate to absolutely destroy anyone who does not believe and worship him only.

Luke 21:20 says, "And when ye shall see Jerusalem compassed with armies, then know that the desolation thereof is nigh." Look at what is currently happening is Israel's part of the world right now. Israel is surrounded with enemy nations that are just looking for an excuse to wipe them off of the face of the planet.

Revelation 6:8 says, "And I looked, and behold, a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth." Again, I bid you to look around yourselves and watch the news and see all of the terrible things that are happening to people all over the world. People are killing each other with wanton abandon. Millions more starve every single day. 

Matthew 24:9 says, "Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name's sake." Not a single day goes by without Christians being persecuted in some form or other. Prayer has been taken out of schools, Creation is not being taught in schools, people want to take "one nation under God" out of the Pledge of Allegiance. All of these things just show a few examples of how Christians are being persecuted by the infidels of the world.

There are huge natural disasters, bigger hurricanes than have ever been experienced, tsunamis destroying countries, the change of currency in some places to one currency (like with the Euro), and even instances of people being jailed because they believe in God and Jesus. Economies around the world are faltering. All of these things are clear signs that Satan is about to take over the world.

I challenge any of the other divine beings to prove me wrong.

Jesus is coming, and he is super pissed.

https://sites.google.com/site/wiseonecartooncreations/customization

God Speaks to Me V: Daily News Blog

These are the messages as relayed to me by the various personalities of God.

Getting What They Deserve

By: God the Diabolical

I am sure many of you have seen or heard the newscasts about Anwar al-Awlaki and Samir Khan being killed by an airstrike launched by counter terrorism forces in Yemen. Supposedly it was a joint CIA-U.S. Military operation. Never mind the question of what U.S. forces were doing in that area of the world, but it turns out that al-Awlaki was supposedly an American citizen. Yes. An American citizen. 

Now, there are apparently many individuals who are very much up in arms about this particular American citizen being targeted and killed. Many people point out the fact that this person had rights to trial and all that horse-shit as so appointed by the United States Constitution. 

Really? This guy who you say was a U.S. citizen was encouraging others to KILL U.S. citizens...or don't you listen to what this ding-dong was up to in his spare time? Some people insist that this man should have been put on trial, that evidence of his misdeeds should have been gathered and presented to the court system. 

What were these people going to use as proof of this idiot's extremism? Were they going to wait until they had video footage of him making bombs and planting them? Did they want to wait until they had another list of innocent people killed by psychotic religious extremists who truly think they are part of something great and good and part of God?

Whether or not the nut-hatch al-Awlaki was born in New Mexico, making him a U.S. citizen is not an issue here, oh people of earth. This guy did not behave as a citizen. Don't you get it? He gave two shits and a donkey squirt for any of the standards that individuals who uphold the U.S. Constitution stand for. His actions and encouragements to others to kill Americans and destroy Americans were in themselves very loud statements that he wanted nothing to do with the United States of America, its people, its Constitution, its laws, or its citizenship.

Mr. al-Awlaki planted particular seeds in his garden, and guess what? The little religiously deluded prick reaped EXACTLY WHAT HE SOWED! And you know what? The same thing will happen to all his little pals who try the same damn thing. You cannot claim association and citizenship and benefits of the laws with a country that you have openly declared war on, you assholes. Common goddamn sense...get some.

People like al-Awlaki are exactly why religion has absolutely zero place in politics. Bunch of crap, it is. What the hell is wrong with you humans? Stop killing each other over make-believe deities and stories of martyrdom and what you might win if you go about killing people who believe differently than you.

https://sites.google.com/site/wiseonecartooncreations/survival-kit-for-the-religiously-afflicted 

And now I move onto comments of other bits of news...

China, nice rocket you got there, eh? Care to tell everyone in the world why you decided to play 'America the Beautiful' on your national television when showing your citizens what the rocket would be doing in space? Was the rocket made with American parts and you were simply offering your thanks through song? Well, at least now no one can call you ungrateful.

Ahhh, Bank of America. Going to load up another fee on your already fee loaded patrons? Tell you what, enjoy it while you can, because sooner or later your patrons will get a clue, pull out all their monies and investments, and go to other banks. Maybe even the Bank of Japan...hah!

Did you hear about the grandfather who survived, like, six days in a 200 foot ravine after being in a car wreck, living off of leaves, bugs, and creek water? Amazing! That guy is totally hardcore! My divine hat is off to you! I hope your recovery is swift and complete.

Dude, PETA, shut the fu*k up and leave the meat eaters of the world alone. You are really up in arms about this so-called 'sexy chicken' advertisement? Just for that I am going to eat a fired chicken sandwich AND a hamburger for lunch.

So, a bear in British Columbia walks into a pizza restaurant and...eats a pizza. Where is PETA on this one? Your asses know that pizza can't possibly be good for a bear, right?

Syria...let's get serious, okay? You want to know why the U.S. has such a problem with your dumb ass? Because you keep promoting dumb shit and even dumber people, that is why. Stop doing the stupid crap that you do and there won't be such a problem. By the way, pissing off Hilary Clinton is seriously the WRONG thing to do. Take it from the mouth of the divine, dude, she will destroy your ass and you will only have yourself to blame for it.

Ah, Mr. Obungle! Surely you did not think I would close this divine comment section without making a comment on you, did you? So, suffering a little thinness in the 'ole pocket money, eh? Do you really think that holding a dinner where each plate is ten thousand dollars or more is going to help you? Considering the lowliness of your approval rating, do you think many people want to pay thousands of dollars to attend a dinner just to hear you jibber-jabber on more useless crap that you will either never do, or that will never make any amount of measurable difference? Like one of my divine compatriots has previously stated...all of us divine beings are crossing our fingers that you do not get re-elected. Humm, I wish to hell Hilary was running for office.

https://sites.google.com/site/wiseonecartooncreations/home

https://sites.google.com/site/wiseonecartooncreations/customization

God Speaks to Me III: Daily News Blog

These are the messages of God as so related to me by the various personalities of the divine.

Same Crapola, Different Day 

By: God the Seriously Deluded

I am only going to say this of the warring Muslim nations...if you all injected a little alcohol into your daily lives and diets you would probably have a whole hell of a lot more fun, get invited more places (that means YOU Ahmadinejad) , and be looked at more as the neighborhood party rats than the neighborhood terrorist thugs.

Hey, Connie Schultz, you don't really think that by QUITTING you will make the so-called 'target' on your back any smaller, do you? You say you want to weigh in on issues that mean a lot to you. Well, quitting is NOT a good start. Get some goddamn balls, honey. You say you are not defined by your husband, the senator. You are correct! You are defined by the fact you are a LOSER because you were worried what people thought of you, and a QUITTER since you ran away from your job. Nice. Do all Americans a favor and NEVER run for office.

The loser 'hikers' that were released by Iran are home. Damn. How could people with such poor instincts get as far as they have in life? And what kind of dip-turds let them back home? Idiots who go hiking in freakin' IRAN of all places ought to be put to sleep. Stop giving these assholes news coverage. Next thing you know there will be a group of swap meet gypsies arrested in Somalia while on a whitewater rafting trip.

If I see one more JG Wentworth commercial with the stupid opera singing I am going to scream. Crappy advertising like that only makes crappy television programming worse.

You remember the story of the boy who cried wolf? That is what is going to happen with the government shut-down. They keep saying it is going to happen, but it never does. Eventually it will...and no one will give a shit. Not that they give a shit now.

So, gold prices are plunging? Hah! I wonder what they are going to do with all the commercials that advise people to invest in gold since it never goes down in price. Say, Pat Boone, didn't you endorse a commercial like that?

https://sites.google.com/site/esterlighthorse/home

https://sites.google.com/site/wiseonecartooncreations/

So, Mr. Obungle addresses the Black Caucus and tries to sound deep and introspective by telling people to stop complaining and do something...or some shit like that. Like he is some great doer himself. Sure, if you count screwing up everything he touches as 'doing' anything. Whatever, Mr. Obungle. Wayyyy too little, wayyyy too late. I speak for all of those of a divine heritage when I say we hope to hell you will NOT be elected again.

What is this new energy-type scandal with a company that received MILLIONS upon millions in loans and then filed for bankruptcy? No one knew what was happening or saw this coming? What kind of horseshit is that? And did you see all of the company representatives plead the Fifth? People like that can't tell the truth to save themselves or anyone else. Didn't Mr. Obungle's people push the loan for this company? Yep. THAT says a whole lot right there.

Mr. Obungle says he is a warrior for the middle class. Nope. He isn't. He is a warrior for a group of ass-clowns, maybe, but for the middle class? No. The middle class works hard. The ONLY thing Mr. Obungle works hard at is making a big mess even bigger.

 

God Speaks to Me II: Daily News Blog

These are the messages of God as so related to me through the various personalities of the divine.

Morons Unite!

By: God the Mean Spirited

Well, well, well. What can I say about the supposed human creation of God? How about this simple fact: There are a lot of fu*king stupid people out there in your neck of the galaxy. Let us begin...

So, this convicted criminal Troy Davis spoke with me just this morning, and what did he say? He said he cannot understand why his attorneys waited until 1994, three years after his original conviction, to try to say that witnesses had recanted their statements. The first appeals were filled with assertions that Troy did not receive a fair and equal trial (problems with the trial site and the jury selection) and that defense attorneys did not provide effective counsel. Why did counsel wait so long to assert that  witnesses were tainted? Maybe they didn't know? Possible. If so, why did counsel for Troy try to challenge the conviction in 2000, citing that the use of the ole electric chair was cruel and unusual punishment? Did they really believe in his innocence, or were they simply trying whatever they thought might work to either overturn his conviction or commute his death sentence to life? Do they understand that these actions did not help to cement the idea that there may have indeed been credible doubt? Do they know what CREDIBLE doubt is? Not all doubt is credible, do they understand this?

And how can I not mention something about the idiot 'hikers' who were finally released from Iran? Not much, except that they are idiots. Who the hell goes hiking in IRAN? Hell, why not go on a picnic or camping excursion in Afghanistan? Sure. I'll make the sandwiches and you make the fruit punch. If people are dumb enough to go hiking in Iran and get caught, shit, let their dumb asses stay there. Why would you want people that stupid in your country anyways? Don't let them back into your country where they will get married, procreate, and make MORE stupid people.

Ohhhhh, Mr. Obungle. Well, why don't you do everyone on your planet a favor and STOP trying to pretend you know what the hell you are doing in politics, humm? Your voon-der-bar election slogan of "Yes We Can!" apparently only refers to getting into more debt, fighting more useless wars, getting into more debt, demolishing the economy, getting into more debt, bungling healthcare reform, getting into more debt, growing the unemployment percentage as if it were a garden perennial, and...that's right...getting into more debt. By the way, Mr. Obungle, you seriously need to do something about the people you have making up your little propaganda stories that are supposed to make you look good, because they aren't very good, aren't believable, and only make you look worse. Fire them. Get better writers. Hell, hire Stephen King! Just about everything he writes is a bestseller! 

Yay! Government shut down! It reminds me of the winter months when there are loads of snow in some areas of your planet and all the kids are hoping for school to be cancelled...except it never is. Stop getting the hopes of the nation up by saying there is going to be this big damn government shut down...and then pulling the plug on pulling the plug. It is emotional trauma. Pull the goddamn cord and get it over with. Use it as a tool with which to get rid of all the crap politicians. Just don't replace the idiots with more idiots as this will not help your country.

You humans in the United States want to help your debt situation? Hey, you politicians who never pray but should, forgive some of the debt to the middle and lower classes and extend them business credits, give them their homes (and I do mean GIVE) and forgive their education debts with the chance to pursue even greater education goals. Give colleges and universities credits, give home building companies credits. Forgive debts to countries that will forgive your debt in return. Get as close as possible to starting from financial scratch, set the numbers at zero and extend credit. Get people back to learning, earning, building, and buying.

And stop giving a flying fu*k what that freak Ahmadinejad has to say. Don't you get it? Dude is beyond nuts, and he is going to continue to say crazy shit because he KNOWS it bugs the shit out of you. So STOP listening to the little freak and inviting him places. No one fu*king wants to hear his useless rhetoric anyways. Let his own people remove his dumb ass from political power. Stop involving yourselves with trying to solve problems that are not your goddamn problem, geeze.

Texas. Look, did God bless you? I suppose so. I admire your fervent desire to get the gravy train of the justice system moving by clearing out Death Row. HOWEVER, you have got to make sure the guys you put to death are really guilty, alright? You, too, Georgia. And all you people inside and outside of the justice system stop making race an issue in goddamn everything you possibly can. Let the evidence speak. By the way, the color of one's skin should NEVER be evidence, got it? If the fu*ker is guilty the evidence will say so...not their ethnicity or any kind of crap-doodle like that. Race is old goddamn news. Get over it.

Tea Party, you can take a friggin' hike. The United States is a coffee drinking nation anyways, or didn't you know that?

Mr. Obungle, thank JESUS you are not the coach of my favorite NFL team, because your plans SUCK!

https://sites.google.com/site/esterlighthorse/home