Friday, September 2, 2011

The Eighth Book of The Tenement Gospel (the REAL Holy Bible)

The Tenement Gospel
(the REAL version of the original translation of the Holy Bible)

The Book of II ‘Inthians
(the eighth book of The Tenement Gospel)

Chapter 1

    1 I, Raul, be writin’ this letter to all the churches that be in all of the regions of the known world, so that they may be reminded of the blessings that be surroundin’ them, lest they become discouraged as people sometimes do,
    2 For it be no small wonder that with proponents of the Gospel of Disaster persistently jabbering on about how terrible the world be and how terrible natural disasters be signalin’  an imminent and depressing fate of mankind,
    3 People be having quite a hard time remainin’ hopeful and keeping a good outlook of their everyday lives. It don’t be an easy task for some people to live with the constant bombardment of those who be preachin’ doom, death, and destruction.
    4 And blessed are those who be havin’ the strength to ignore the fear mongers of the world, for their’s be a life that will be long since they won’t ever be sweating the small shit and worrying about whatever new religious story of doom followers of the Gospel of Disaster be comin’ up with.
    5 Be very aware that those who be preachin’ and teachin’ the Gospel of Disaster will go great lengths to attribute damn near anything negative or scary or fearsome or unexplained to any number of prophecies they be diggin’ up from the dungeons of their scriptures.
    6 One of the main prophecies of theirs that be morphed and changed almost more than any other prophecy is the one havin’ to do with the friggin’ antichrist.
    7 Politicians from all walks of life and political affiliation to include dictators have been accused of bein’ the antichrist. Popes and rulers have also been accused of bein’ the antichrist,
    8 And those who be claimin’ to have found such prophecies be doin’ everything possible to be makin’ the details of the prophecy scriptures fit the details of whoever it is they be accusin’ of being the antichrist.
    9 I think it be interestin’ that the proponents of the Gospel of Disaster are constantly stating that their faith be the one and only way to God and the one and only truth, and damn anyone who be tryin’ to prove otherwise,
    10 But then these same crazy muthas turn around and manipulate their own scriptures in order to be makin’ whatever it is they are claiming to fit nice and snug into their bag of tricks and twisted prophecies.
    11 Blessed are those who be havin’ the strength to ignore the ever changin’ prophecies and predictions of the Gospel of Disaster, for theirs be the ability to take whatever religious charlatans say with a smile and a grain of salt.
    12 It be important that when something unhappy happens in your life or in the life of someone near and dear to you, you do not be takin’ such a thing to mean that somewhere out there some great white God is sitting around trying to devise new and cruel ways with which to be testin’ you,
    13 For the very idea that a God worthy of love and affection would be purposely allowin’ horrible shit to happen to people for the sole purpose of testing them or teaching them is pure insanity.
    14 If such a thing be true the God of the Gospel of Disaster has a lot of explaining to do. It seems as though he don’t be havin’ any qualms about making the innocent suffer in the course of teaching the guilty a lesson or two.

For more of The Tenement Gospel:

No comments:

Post a Comment

Drop a line. Say something, anything. You know you want to.