These are the messages of God as so related to me by the various personalities of the divine.
Same Crapola, Different Day
By: God the Seriously Deluded
I am only going to say this of the warring Muslim nations...if you all injected a little alcohol into your daily lives and diets you would probably have a whole hell of a lot more fun, get invited more places (that means YOU Ahmadinejad) , and be looked at more as the neighborhood party rats than the neighborhood terrorist thugs.
Hey, Connie Schultz, you don't really think that by QUITTING you will make the so-called 'target' on your back any smaller, do you? You say you want to weigh in on issues that mean a lot to you. Well, quitting is NOT a good start. Get some goddamn balls, honey. You say you are not defined by your husband, the senator. You are correct! You are defined by the fact you are a LOSER because you were worried what people thought of you, and a QUITTER since you ran away from your job. Nice. Do all Americans a favor and NEVER run for office.
The loser 'hikers' that were released by Iran are home. Damn. How could people with such poor instincts get as far as they have in life? And what kind of dip-turds let them back home? Idiots who go hiking in freakin' IRAN of all places ought to be put to sleep. Stop giving these assholes news coverage. Next thing you know there will be a group of swap meet gypsies arrested in Somalia while on a whitewater rafting trip.
If I see one more JG Wentworth commercial with the stupid opera singing I am going to scream. Crappy advertising like that only makes crappy television programming worse.
You remember the story of the boy who cried wolf? That is what is going to happen with the government shut-down. They keep saying it is going to happen, but it never does. Eventually it will...and no one will give a shit. Not that they give a shit now.
So, gold prices are plunging? Hah! I wonder what they are going to do with all the commercials that advise people to invest in gold since it never goes down in price. Say, Pat Boone, didn't you endorse a commercial like that?
So, Mr. Obungle addresses the Black Caucus and tries to sound deep and introspective by telling people to stop complaining and do something...or some shit like that. Like he is some great doer himself. Sure, if you count screwing up everything he touches as 'doing' anything. Whatever, Mr. Obungle. Wayyyy too little, wayyyy too late. I speak for all of those of a divine heritage when I say we hope to hell you will NOT be elected again.
What is this new energy-type scandal with a company that received MILLIONS upon millions in loans and then filed for bankruptcy? No one knew what was happening or saw this coming? What kind of horseshit is that? And did you see all of the company representatives plead the Fifth? People like that can't tell the truth to save themselves or anyone else. Didn't Mr. Obungle's people push the loan for this company? Yep. THAT says a whole lot right there.
Mr. Obungle says he is a warrior for the middle class. Nope. He isn't. He is a warrior for a group of ass-clowns, maybe, but for the middle class? No. The middle class works hard. The ONLY thing Mr. Obungle works hard at is making a big mess even bigger.