Friday, September 2, 2011

The Eleventh Book of The Tenement Gospel (the REAL Holy Bible)

 The Tenement Gospel
 (the REAL version of the original translation of the Holy Bible)

The Book of Flippin’
(the eleventh book of The Tenement Gospel)

Chapter 1

    1 My brothas! What it be is what it was, what it is and what it’s gonna be!
    2 May the blessin’ of all that be love in this here universe be findin’ its way to you and be blessin’ youz in every way possible.
    3 Ya’ll be firm in youz understandin’ that your knowledge of the love that be surroundin’ you will place into youz life many wonderful things.
    4 If you be findin’ that a professed faith be tyin’ you down with fear in spiritual bondage you best be lettin’ go, for no amount of fear ever made anything better, you dig?
    5 Your actions of what be love in this universe will be the testament to what be your understandin’ of all that be makin’ up what God be.
    6 Live each day for the love and the joy that fill it and always be sharin’ that with all those around you.
    7 Should you be comin’ across a faith that be teachin’ cruel commandments and hatred of those different than you don’t let it be touchin’ the foundations of love you be buildin’ up within yourself.
    8 Some people be teachin’ Christ and love and salvation and Jesus and God, but then they be treatin’ people of other faiths and beliefs with disregard and loathin’. Do not be as these.
    9 Never be causing those around you grief an’ dishonor. Neither be doin’ that shit to ya’ll self, ‘cause that shit be disgraceful to yourselfs and all those around you, you dig?
    10 Be behavin’ properly whether or not you be all on your lonesome or around other people.
    11 And don’t be bothered and worried by people preachin’ hellfire an’ damnation ‘cause, frankly speakin’, most of them simply don’t be knowin’ any better.
    12 And don’t be tryin’ to argue the tenets of faith and love with these people because tryin’ to do that be like beatin’ a goddamn dead horse. Shee-it.
    13 And you be doin’ well unto yourself by rememberin’ that salvations be for all. Not only that, but never be forgettin’ that salvations don’t be connected with sufferin’ of any kind. There be no grace or salvations in sufferin’.

For more religious silliness:

No comments:

Post a Comment

Drop a line. Say something, anything. You know you want to.